Home » Flying high: 23 thoughts every traveller has on a plane

Flying high: 23 thoughts every traveller has on a plane

written by James Shackell July 22, 2015

Until we master teleportation, flying in a large metal cylinder, breathing recycled air and eating portion-controlled meals is the best way we’ve come up with for travelling long distances.

All in all, it’s not a wonderful thing to do. Most people don’t enjoy it. If the Wright Brothers had known that their experiment in 1903 would end with me watching Meet The Fockers at 30,000 feet and eating Pringles from a tiny carton like some demented raccoon, I like to think they would have kept their awesome new technology to themselves. We’d go back to sailing everywhere like pirates, and the world would be a more magical place.

But in the meantime, we’re stuck with planes. Here are the thoughts we all think in them.

1. Damn first class with their fancy legroom and free champagne.

plane 1

2. I wonder if I can get a cheeky upgrade? I’m going to say I’m a doctor.

plane 2

3. No that’s fine, person in front, push your seat as far back as it goes.

plane 3

4. I’m going to push my seat back now. You started this. It’s like Pay it Forward but with sadness.

plane 4

5. Sweet God, this button summons someone with food! That’s the dream!

plane 5

6. Should I watch Citizen Kane or Transformers 3 for the fourth time?

plane 6

7. Transformers 3 is an excellent movie.

plane 7

8. Is anyone else freaking out that we’re above the clouds right now?

plane 8

9. These tiny bottles of alcohol look like they were made for a pixie. Garcon, another vodka!

plane 9

10. Whoever thought up this mode of transport was a little insane.

plane 10

11. This travel pillow is my only friend in the world.

plane 11

12. Flight attendant looks like a cool job. Mental note: Google ‘flight attendant average pay’ when we land.

plane 12

13. I feel like I’m breathing in the air of centuries.

plane 13

14. Who travels with a baby anyway? What pressing business does this baby have in The Bahamas?

plane 14

15. It always gets a bad wrap, but airplane food is actually quite delicious. Look at this tiny muffin!

plane 15

16. What is that? Is it chicken? I can’t even tell if it’s chicken.

plane 16

17. My eyes feel like cotton wool. I’ve lost all sense of smell.

plane 17

18. Why do they make the plane icon on the TV map so big? It’s literally the size of Australia.

plane 18

19. Ooooh, pretty sunset. This must be what it feels like to be a God.

plane 19

20. Why are you closing your window? We are literally flying through the clouds, people! How much more magical could this be?

plane 20

21. My toe is tingling. It’s definitely DVT.

plane 21

22. The flush on this toilet scares me a little.

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23. Touchdown! And I didn’t die.

plane 23

 

Intrepid Travel is the world’s expert in small group adventures (and surviving long haul flights – seriously, it’s all in the moisturiser). 

Feature image c/o FUMIGRAPHIK, Flickr 

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7 comments

Todd August 24, 2015 - 3:10 am

If you think flying is a drag, imagine going for a ride in a rocket ship or space shuttle. You can’t get up and walk around, you have to pee in a bottle, and you’re stuck there for days. Its the ultimate in inconvenient. But who would turn down a chance to do it?

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Todd August 24, 2015 - 3:05 am

I’ve gotta say that I disagree. I marvel at planes. I still see planes flying overhead and wonder where they’ve come from. Being able to travel such vast distances is so amazing. Even the experience is amazing. The inconveniences are nothing compared to the benefits. NOTHING! I think you’re taking planes for granted. Focus on the positive and you’ll have a better experience while flying.

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J August 11, 2015 - 12:07 am

You forgot “I would bang that hostess. Oh, and that one too.”

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Amanda August 8, 2015 - 1:14 pm

I’ve thought quite a few of them. Here’s another as everyone gets on the plane and makes their way to their seats – “Please don’t sit next to me, please don’t sit next to me, please don’t sit next to me.” Is there no better feeling than seeing that door close when the seat next to you is still empty!

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JM August 23, 2015 - 8:25 pm

Especially when you’re sitting in the middle row on a 12 hour flight. = 4 pillows and blankets just for my nest using all 4 seats. I did have one pillow stolen when this happened to me last time. Wasn’t impressed.

I also gave the evil eye to anyone that looked like they wanted to move in on my turf.

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Lisa London April 11, 2017 - 10:06 pm

Agree on the “don’t sit, don’t sit”, I think this ALL the time. And, yeah, I do stretch out on the three / four seats too whenever possible and give the stink eye to anyone who even thinks of invading my private island of serenity.

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Lauren July 24, 2015 - 5:26 am

Hilarious! I’m definitely guilty of googling “flight attendant” jobs! Thanks for sharing.

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