From dealing with micro-tensions to baring all (literally), discover the five key phases of group bonding that can help you on the road – and beyond.
‘I’m late, I’m late,’ I flap as I powerwalk alone, giddy with anticipation, through the sunny streets of Reykjavik. There are just ten minutes to spare before the welcome meeting for my Iceland’s Golden Circle In Depth trip – and I’m keen to make a good impression on the group; tardiness is not an option.
As I haul my suitcase up a hill towards the hotel meeting point, it dawns on me that I’m looking down the barrel of five days stuck with a bunch of total strangers. My brain starts rattling off worries and what-ifs: Will they like me? Will I like them? What if no one gets along? What if I say something stupid? What if my roommate hogs the bathroom? How is this all going to go?
Turns out, these early nerves – and the emotional ups and downs that follow – are pretty typical for travellers on any small-group adventure. In fact, they mirror the late American psychologist Bruce Tuckman’s theory of how all groups bond – a five-step process that typically occurs when strangers come together to form any sort of team.
The good news is: however you feel before, during or after a small-group trip, it’s likely not just you. And if you know the theory behind the feelings, you can roll with them, cycling through the phases and understanding that it’s all part of the journey.
1. First hellos – the forming stage
Welcome meeting and nerve-wracking introductions complete, our newly formed crew sits down for the first group meal. The table is abuzz with chatter. Our leader, Bjorn, has brought us to one of his favourite restaurants and is keeping us all on track with advice on what to order (the lamb, delicious) and how to thank the servers (takk!). My cheeks are hurting from all the smiling and I can feel my eyebrows dancing on my forehead – the way they do when I’m keen to communicate to new people that I’m fun! I’m listening! I’m fully engaged!
In Tuckman’s terms, this is ‘the forming stage’. When a group of strangers comes together, they’re on their best behaviour, unifying around a common goal (in our case, getting acquainted with the beauty of Iceland) and establishing connections between one another. As my new travel buddies and I swap stories and suss each other out, I’m riding a wave of adrenaline and excitement. So far, so good.
2. Tensions arise – the storming stage
The next day, on the outskirts of the coastal town of Grindavik, my mood takes a turn – feeling as dark and brittle as the blackened lava fields crunching under our boots. A series of volcanic eruptions here between 2023 and 2025 saw lava spew, buildings crumble and a whole town evacuated from their homes. It’s a sad story – but that’s not why I’m feeling off.
Conversation over breakfast had felt clunky, the cadence stilted – and I’d struggled to make my points heard as bigger personalities prevailed. I spent much of the drive to the Reykjanes Peninsula feeling inexplicably irritable, then annoyed at myself for wasting such precious time by being in a grump. Perhaps the long journey to get here had worn us all out. Maybe I was feeling a comedown after the high of the first day. Or, looking back, I wonder if this was the start of what’s known as ‘the storming phase’.
This stage of group development is often the most uncomfortable. As group members work out their place within the social hierarchy, even unconsciously, tensions and personality clashes can occur. I was lucky to be sharing this adventure with a wonderful gang of people, so my grumbles never threatened to erupt into anything serious. Nevertheless, it was an unexpected bump in the road – one I’ll recognise more readily next time, thanks to Bruce and his theory.
Read more: Learning to embrace the unexpected in Iceland
3. The dust settles – the norming stage
Pfffshhhhh! Strokkur Geysir puts on a sparkling three-second show, shooting a pillar of white-hot water 20 metres (66 feet) high. Like the thundering cascades we’d seen earlier that morning at Gullfoss waterfall, each encounter with Iceland’s powerful hydrological features feels like it’s washing my mind and soul clean.
Rather than hang around waiting for Strokkur to splash the sky again, I take a short sharp hike to a lofty viewpoint with Greg, a quieter member of the group who mostly sticks to himself, journalling at breakfast tables for one or putting his headphones in on our drives in the minivan. On the walk up, we chat about his work as a dean at a university in the US, our past travels and our families. I appreciate not only the view (Strokkur is just as impressive from above), but the chance to get to know him a little better.
This, according to Bruce, is ‘the norming phase’: where the dust settles, teams start to truly cooperate and real connections emerge. By this point, everyone has a fairly good grasp of each other’s quirks and foibles, frictions fade and we settle into a bit of a groove.
4. Bare bums and beer – the performing stage
I knew we were all getting along, but I didn’t expect to get naked.
We’re at the Secret Lagoon – a laidback alternative to the ever-popular Blue Lagoon – and the other women of the group and I are stripping off for a communal shower, as is customary in Iceland’s public baths. Setting any prudishness aside, we all get on with it, then don our swimsuits and head outside, eager to soak in the island’s soothing geothermal waters.
After a calming float under a clear blue sky, we all agree it’s time to face the cold plunge. Bjorn shows his Viking mettle by submerging with a contented sigh, as if it’s a hot tub; the rest of us gasp, one-by-one, egging each other on and laughing at the pitifully short stretches we’re able to endure in the icy water. Twenty minutes later, he’s still chilling. Literally.
That night, we huddle together as the midnight sun casts a pink glow along the horizon and share a selection of local beers that Marny, my roommate, picked up at the airport duty-free. We’re all feeling relaxed in each other’s company and when I trip over my own feet – not once, but twice – on my way to fetch ice to cool the suitcase-warm beer, I enjoy the way everyone teases me like we’re old friends who go way back. In a way, it feels like we do.
In Bruce’s model, we’re now in ‘the performing stage’ – functioning brilliantly as a group, bonding over new experiences and having fun. In other words, this is peak group trip.
Read more: Pick your persona: What type of group traveller are you?
5. Emotional goodbyes – the adjourning stage
Back in Reykjavik, we round off the trip with a city tour led by Bjorn. He takes us to City Hall, where he shows us a huge 3D map of Iceland. I can see Solheimajokull Glacier – where we’d explored, crampons and ice picks and all, just days earlier – depicted as a white blob. I circle the display, mentally retracing our steps and reflecting on just how far we’ve come. I find myself panicking at the thought of all the questions I haven’t asked, of how much I still don’t know about our leader and his land of fire and ice. I’m not ready for this to be over. I don’t want to say goodbye.
But soon enough, we’re doing just that. We exchange well wishes, hugs and open invitations to each other’s homes – spanning from Upstate New York to New Zealand’s North Island – promising to update everyone on our future adventures in the group chat.
And then I’m alone again, walking the streets of Reykjavik. The city feels just as it did when I arrived. The air is still fresh and clean. The sun is still shining. But I’m different.
Five days ago, I was walking these streets wondering whether I’d fit in, or if I’d enjoy seeing Iceland with 11 total strangers. Now, I see those nerves not just as a natural part of the group-bonding process, but a valuable part of the journey. Building relationships with other travellers was never the reason I came to Iceland. But, as it turns out, those strangers became an integral part of an experience I’ll always remember: breakfast bickering, beer banter, bare bottoms and all.
Find your own dynamic on Intrepid’s small-group Iceland’s Golden Circle in Depth trip.
All images, excluding header and group lagoon shot, courtesy of @bjorntheguide.
